The Long Road Back

It has been nearly a year since my dream was stolen from me.

I remember it like it was yesterday—being told the NCAA Rifle Championships were canceled, sobbing all the way back to the venue to get my gear, not knowing what the hell was going on.

I remember it all.

Ever since I was a little girl participating in 4-H, I've always dreamt of one day competing in college and becoming a national champion. Imagine staring that dream dead in the eyes and then being told to go back home.

The road back hasn't been easy. There have been so many uncertainties to the point where I wasn't even sure if this would ever be possible again. 

And yet, here I am, back where it all ended on that day.

With the announcement today that the NCAA has canceled all remaining spring championships due to COVID-19, the NCAA Rifle Championships scheduled for this weekend have been canceled.

Read more here: https://t.co/FCyAH8iik5

— Nebraska Rifle (@NebraskaRifle) March 12, 2020

The Snack Room Bombshell

Just the thought of returning brings back so many memories—some filled with pure happiness and others with grief and utter disappointment.

I was just a little girl watching a rifle match with my dad at the University of Kentucky when I decided to chase this dream of mine. 

I joined the Huskers, and last year, we qualified for the National Championships in Lexington, Kentucky. It was supposed to be my homecoming.

The place where it all started was the venue for everything I'd worked for since I was nine years old. Not everyone believes in destiny, but for the ones that do, this was as close to it as anything I'd ever experienced. It was my entire journey literally coming full-circle.

I was so excited to have a chance to compete in front of my family and friends, while showing my teammates the city that was only a few minutes from where I grew up. Confidence was running at an all-time high, with us shooting out of our minds and qualifying in fourth place.

Everything was falling into place, and the timing just felt right.

But sadly, that ended up not being the case at all. After I finished a practice session at the venue, I was in the snack room watching ESPN when the news came across that the NCAA canceled the National Championships due to the Coronavirus pandemic.

What?

Surely, they couldn't have been talking about our National Championships. I mean, we were already here. The matches were already set. They couldn't have been talking about us—could they?

It was literally like the scene out of a movie as our team drove back to the hotel. You know the part when that sense of dread is building before the really terrible news drops?

That was us.

It was pouring down rain, and we were stuck in traffic, panicking and asking our coach about the situation. Of course, she didn't know what was going on, either. She was just as confused as the rest of us. And that only made us panic even more.

But the moment we reached the hotel lobby and I saw the faces of some of my friends on the other teams—I knew. Everybody was just so visibly upset that nothing else needed to be said. 

I'll never forget going back to the venue to retrieve our equipment for the trip home. Some of the other teams were there as well, and all of their athletes were utterly devastated and nearly inconsolable as well. We worked so hard to get this far—all of us.

To be there and have it all taken away with the start of the competition literally hours away was absolutely devastating.

And don't get me wrong. I'm fully aware that there are more important things in life than not participating in a National Championship event, I get that. But man, we worked so hard for this, you know? This was a huge opportunity and dream. It cut deep.

The First Shot Back

When we got back from Lexington, there was just this mad rush to leave campus. 

Honestly, I didn't even look at my equipment for at least a month after the cancelations. I just had too many emotions.

I know labeling it as grief might feel like a bit of a stretch to some people, but there was truly a mourning period for me after everything that happened. I just needed to step away for a while and not think about when or if I'd be back.

But I did come back.

By the time late summer rolled around, I was already preparing for the next season. I made up in my mind not to beat myself up over the things I couldn't control. I just needed to figure out how to work through it and do the best that I could with my situation.

There was a lot of mental training, considering we didn't have a traditional fall schedule. On the weekends, we even started competing virtually against other schools. It wasn't perfect, but it did give us a chance to see where we were as a team. It can also get a bit tedious training for months without any actual competition.

So it was nice to at least have someone to compete against.

All of that time off didn't help my nerves when we actually returned in January. I remember being out there and wondering if it was all just some cruel joke. Are we actually going to shoot? Is this really happening?

I was so nervous someone was going to come out and say, "Just kidding, now you have to go home!"

I needed to hear that first in-competition shot go off to know it was real. Once we started shooting, I knew we were back. 

I knew everything was right again.

The Promise

After everything that's happened over the last year, it's crazy to think we're right back at the National Championships. I'm the only person on the team that's been to the tournament (only counting my freshman year), and I'm excited for the rest of my teammates to have a chance to experience it.

Things have a funny way of working themselves out.

Not only did we return to the tournament, but my career is once again coming full-circle. The venue for the meeting is set at Ohio State, which is where my dad drove me to a previous National Championships to pitch my interest to the University at Nebraska.

To be fair, I was there to watch the competition as well, but I wasn't leaving until I "casually" bumped into the rifle team coaches just to be like, "Hey guys."

In any case, my persistence sold them, and I ended up becoming a Husker.

The fact that I would have a chance to return to this venue to compete for a championship is something that's hard to even put into words. What are the odds?

I'm blessed to have the opportunity and once again be surrounded by great teammates, but I also know we have a job to finish. 

I've thought a lot about my journey—the good times, bad times, and downright depressing times.

All of it was for this moment.

When in doubt, I always think back to a promise I made myself back when I was a sophomore. We failed to qualify for the NCAA Championships that year, and I just remember being so devastated. That moment of not qualifying as a team or an individual fueled me throughout my collegiate career. I promised myself from then on, I'd do anything and everything it took to never experience that again.

And well, here we are...