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March 19, 2007 I CALLED (A Tribute to Dr. H)<?xml:namespace prefix="o" ns="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office"?>
Dr. H has been my greatest mentor; and it began the moment I met her. It was January 1981, and I had just arrived in <?xml:namespace prefix="st1" ns="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags"?>Lincoln from Eugene, Oregon on a Greyhound bus following a 44-hour bus ride. I met her shortly after my arrival and she said, “so, you’re the hot shot player from the west coast that your coach has been talking about?” That pretty much stopped me in my tracks...Dr. H was a pro at stopping people in their tracks. It is one of her mentoring tactics!!!
Mentoring was as NATURAL to Dr. H as breathing...it is who she was...she mentored, and mentored, and mentored. Recently, when brother, Gary, was going through cards and letters in her basement (yes, she SAVED THEM ALL?anyone surprised?) he marveled at how all of them had such a theme of gratitude and thankfulness for the life lessons and mentoring. I am sure as I tell of pieces of my journey with Dr. H, there will be many of you relating to similar stories because the mentor only knew one way...to give the very best of herself at ALL TIMES.
When I was a senior, and captain of our team in 1983, I called Dr. H, because of some issues with our team, she met with a few players...listened...moved on the issue, and helped it come to resolve.
When I was preparing to interview for my first Division I coaching job at San Jose State University, (Dr. H told me about the job opening when she invited me to dinner with herself and a bunch of giants in the profession), I called Dr. H, and she gave me some of the best advice I have received...”Rhonda, just be yourself.”
Now, at the time, I thought she was too busy to talk to me if that was all she was going to tell me. But, I have grown to understand the brilliance in authenticity of the human spirit.
I am coaching at SJSU, and I get a call from a friend in Lincoln saying the head coaching job is open, and I should consider applying for it. Incredibly nervous, because I did not have the resume that would warrant being “HIRED” at THE University of Nebraska, but IT WAS (IS) my DREAM job...SO, I called Dr. H, and inquired. She very professionally told me to follow the procedures on the job description and get my application in BEFORE the deadline. I remember putting together that resume (where was Keith Zimmer when I needed him), I sought advice from every athletic administrator I knew...because I knew this resume was going to Dr. H...she was heading up the search committee. As I prepared to mail it...I stood at the big BLUE drop box, held it in both hands, kissed it and dropped it in the box...and then prayed like crazy.
I was offered the opportunity to coach the Cornhuskers, but let me tell you, Dr. H hired TOUGH. I am pretty sure that she wanted to know that I could take the heat, because if she was going to stick her neck out for this young, inexperienced, energetic, inexperienced kid...then she was going to put me in the frying pan herself. I spent 7 hours with the five-person search committee...that was a piece of cake compared to what followed.
Dr. H invited me to her house...without small talk or chit chat...she promptly sat me down at the dining room table directly across from her...we were eye to eye...FOR FIVE HOURS! Nearing the end of the five-hour dialogue, she lifted her seat of the chair, leaned toward me, pounded the table, and stared at me with those piercing blue eyes and said, “Now, Rhonda Revelle, if I hire you, you aren’t going to be over there at third base with yellow running down your leg are you?” (I replied, heaven’s no, Dr. H, but you DO have a wet spot to clean up on your carpet!!!)
I was privileged to have an office right down the hall from Dr. H for 10 years, so I called Dr. H more than I should have. When my dad died in 1993, I called Dr. H. When I decided to sign off on being an organ donor and needed a witness on my signature, I called Dr. H. When our team would hit rough spots during a season, I called Dr. H. When we won our first Big 12 Championship and qualified for the College World Series, I called Dr. H.
When Melanie Raimondi called me about wanting to honor her father’s name at the University of Nebraska, I called Dr. H, and she said that the best way we could honor his name and invest in our student-athletes is to work to endow our scholarships. The Raimondi’s did just that and fully endowed the first scholarship for a women’s sport at the University of Nebraska. Dr. H spoke to me several times about this, for it was her passion, and if she had not become ill, she would have been gently nudging (and partnering with me) to keep going and growing...she gave me all sorts of ideas, and said she would love to ?quietly’ assist in her golden years. She told me that she would love to have a little private office that no one even had to know she was there...but she wanted to still give her time and talent to the Huskers...her heart is forever Husker red.
Steve approached me about becoming the SWA upon Dr. H’s retirement, well, guess what I did before I would give him an answer? You know it, I called Dr. H immediately. I told Steve that I was honored that he would consider me, but I could not even think about answering the question until I met with my SAGE! Fully expecting Dr. H to tell me that it would be too difficult to do both coaching and assuming an administrative role, I was secretly preparing how I would let Steve know of nswer, because if Dr. H did not think it was possible, then how on earth could I entertain the thought...after all, this woman was the VALEDICTORIAN of her graduating class for her Ph.D. (No, she did not tell me that...sister, Lynda did).
Dr. H threw me a big curve...first of all, she already knew what Steve’s thoughts were...because Steve is a really smart guy, and he probably sought her advice as well, and secondly, she just smiled and winked and told me she believed in me and thought it was a good idea...and she followed up by saying, “know that it is normal to think that you are drowning each day for the first two years just keep dog paddling Rhonda...you will find your way...I am right here...I am just A CALL away.”
For the next several months, Dr. H and I met on a weekly basis...I called and called and called and called. I wanted to soak in as much as I could as often as I could, and she joyfully abliged. I couldn’t take notes fast enough as we covered topics ranging from what it was like to attend a Big 12 meeting to what it was like when she first started in athletics in the 1970’s.
In July 2006, Dr. H started having severe headaches...it was then...that SHE CALLED. “Rhonda, my sister is coming to town to be with me for my medical tests...I need for you to pick her up at the hospital. Now...make a sign...PRINT it...her name is LYNDA...LYNDA with a Y...hold that sign at the bottom of the escalator so she can see it...she is a great gal Rhonda...I know you will like her. That was August, and sister Lynda was with “Barbie” by her side all that time. Brother, Gary has spent huge chunks of time with Barbie too, and I remember when Dr. H told us that he was coming, she said, “oh, you will recognize my brother because he looks just like me, only with more eyebrow and less hair.”
Many trips to many doctors followed...SHE CALLED...I proudly shuttled her to and fro...I remember one day, as I was dropping her off at home, she had her back to me as she was getting out of the car, she looked over her shoulder, and said, “Rhonda, I love ya.” I cried all the way home.
The news trickled out about Dr. H's condition slowly as she was so very private. But, as people learned, the cards, letters, visits and calls started to flood her home at 42nd and Randolph. These gestures of love sustained her, gave her something to look forward to, and nurtured her soul as she was in too much pain to leave her home. And when she felt well enough...she called; or she took your call! And LOVED every minute of it...she was proud...she told me every time someone called and talked to her or left a message.
On March 6, 2007, Barbara Ann Gertrude Hibner was outliving all of the hospice nurses time lines. But, does that surprise any of us because we all know what she was about: 1) she was a tireless worker, 2) a detailed-oriented taskmaster; AND 3) a SURVIVOR!!! So, as her body became weaker; her spirit dug its heals in; and on a subconscious level said, “I have work to do, I am not done yet, there is so much more left to do!!”
But, it was time for her spirit to soar...to rid itself of that cancer-riddled body...and be free! So, family and friends enlisted the most unconditional loving act possible...they gave her permission to go...to let go. One by one, they said their good-byes as an army of calls came in to proclaim their constant love for her, they thanked her for the beautiful gift of her, and gently they said their good-byes as she lay in the hospice bed placed in that SAME DINING ROOM where she pounded the table so strongly when she interviewed me 15 years ago.
About 4 p.m., the call sister’s Robbie and Lynda had arranged came. Out of an intense desire to help their big sister ease her pain and let go...they had Barbie’s mother on the other end of the phone line. Mom spoke of her pride and love that she had for her first born daughter...and SHE told her several times. Barbie seemed to drink in the words like she was taking communion with her savior. Her mother had just given her a gift; and her sisters had given her a blessing.
It was 9 p.m. on March 6th, my phone rings...it’s Lynda...”Barbie talked to mom today, and her pulse is beginning to slow down...I thought you would want to know.” Twenty minutes later I arrived at Dr. H’s house in my YELLOW sweatshirt, my only yellow anything...Barbie loves yellow...it represents happiness and good fortune to her...and this is Barbie’s journey, Barbie’s time...so...YELLOW it is!!!
We sat with Barbie; Lynda and Steve on one side of the bed, I on another, while brother Gary was nearby in a chair and had dozed off after holding vigil for so long. Barbie was still working, she seemed to fight to survive as she had unfinished business. Lynda was unbelievably loving and tender with her sister during this time as I sat quietly holding Dr. H’s hand. Then...Lynda called; she called me to be strong and to help her sister. So, as God graciously laid His hands on me, I called...I called Dr. H. I knew that she hired me to coach...so, as she lay in the same dining room where she interviewed and hired me to coach 15 years ago...I began to coach. I thought of the essence of Dr. H; she was a self proclaimed B.I.T.C.H. (babe in total control of herself), this SOB (sweet ole Barb) as she affectionately referred to herself wanted CONTROL...she also is a driver...a TASK MASTER!!! Rhonda, give her control and job to do...that is when she was at her very best. So, I told Dr. H that she was in total control...take her time...she is driving the bus. Then I asked her to bring her breathing down to quiet, relaxed breaths...she responded...her face took on a child-like quality...peaceful, excited and proud of her accomplishments. She received a bucket full of “atta girls, you are doing so awesome, and you are so great.” Finally, the final task of 10 more breaths?I would countdown for her so she could keep track of the details...and the job could be complete. Dr. H seemed up for the TASK as her face lit up as she completed each breath in the count down...just two more breaths and you can be all done...you are doing great...just one more breath...and the job is complete...
As she exhaled that 10th and final breath; Jesus wrapped His arms around His precious child and lovingly embraced and welcomed her home...for she is home now...and TODAY...we are HERE to celebrate the life of Dr. H...we are here to Celebrate Her Home!!!